Part 49 •「他們靠恐懼維繫體制，我靠記憶對抗崩潰」 Gao Zhisheng Series 高智晟連載 ⸻ 黑袋子再次罩住我頭部的那一刻，我已不再掙扎。我學會了怎樣調整呼吸，讓肺部在窒息中維持節奏。那不只是技巧，而是一種囚徒與死亡共處的經驗。 他們問我：“你覺得中國有希望嗎？” 我說：“如果連這句話都不能問，中國當然沒希望。” 審訊者笑了，然後用手掌壓住我脖子：“那你覺得你是誰？一個聖人？還是烈士？” 我說：“我只是個還沒說夠話的人。” 這些年我一直在想，中國不是沒有自由，而是恐懼成了生活的條件。 孩子在校園裡學會了沉默；工人在車間裡被教導服從；律師不能用法律保護人，記者不能用筆記錄真相。 一整個制度靠“不要出頭”的文化維繫，而不是靠信任或法律。 我記得一位農婦坐了三十多個小時火車來北京，只為遞交一封冤情材料。她站在我辦公室門口說：“高律師，我知道你會接我這個案子，因為你不像他們那樣怕。” 她說的“怕”，不是怕權力，而是怕連看見真相都要付出代價。 在黑暗中，我常想起她的臉。那不是一張弱者的臉，而是一個民族的證據。 ⸻ English Version (Translation): Part 49 • “They Sustain the System Through Fear — I Resist Collapse Through Memory” When the black hood was pulled over my head again, I no longer struggled. I had learned how to control my breathing — not just a skill, but the experience of living side-by-side with suffocation and death. They asked me, “Do you think China has hope?” I said, “If even that question cannot be asked, then clearly it doesn’t.” The interrogator laughed, then pressed his hand against my neck. “So who do you think you are? A saint? A martyr?” I replied, “I’m just someone who hasn’t finished speaking.” For years I’ve pondered this: China does not lack freedom; it is that fear has become a condition of life. Children learn silence in school. Workers are taught obedience on the factory floor. Lawyers cannot defend with law, and journalists cannot report truth with a pen. An entire system survives not on trust or justice — but on a culture of ‘don’t stand out’. I remember a peasant woman who spent over 30 hours on a train to Beijing just to hand over a petition. She stood outside my office and said: “Lawyer Gao, I know you’ll take my case. You’re not afraid like they are.” The “fear” she spoke of wasn’t fear of power — it was fear of the price one pays just to see the truth. In the darkness, I often remember her face. It wasn’t the face of a victim. It was the proof of a nation still alive.